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Looking For a Valentines Day Laugh

February 14, 2013


“I can see the crab-loves-lobster joke from here.” –herbork

Underwater by the coral head one day, a pretty pink little girl lobster by chance caught the eyestalks of a hip young crab. She stole his heart in a heart-beat. He scuttled off at an angle, to intercept her and to confess his passion.

“I love you!”

The girl lobster clicked her claws sympathetically — he was nice-looking for a crab — but, advancing straight ahead past him, sadly shook her antennas no.

“It cannot be. It is not natural. For, crabs walk sideways, and lobsters walk straight.”

“But if we truly love one another!” The crab pleaded, touching his claws together prayerfully.

The girl lobster moved on ahead of the crab, who zigzagged desperately, trying to catch up with her. “But I do love you!” He cried out as she pulled away from him.

“No, dear little crab, this love cannot be,” she called back. “For, crabs walk sideways, and lobsters walk straight.” And before the broken-hearted crab could catch up again, the pink and pleasing girl lobster disappeared beyond the coral.

The next day, the girl lobster happened to be going by the same coral, and there ahead of her — the crab, his eyestalks fixed on her, came straight across the sand.

“Why, crabbie!” The girl lobster exclaimed. “You’re walking straight!”

“Yesshh, I am,” he slurred, going by her, ” ‘an’ hiccup don’ care WHO KNOWS it!”

"The" Red State men's novel... gutsy, smart, funny, prophetic


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